How to write a tribute
We are all stories in the end, remembered by the adventures we had, the achievements we made and the people we loved.
As a celebrant, many people tell me that they would really like to write a funeral or scattering tribute for their loved one but they don’t know how to go about it. So this post is a round up of the advice I give!
Writing a funeral tribute can be a beautiful and loving last thing you can do for someone. That said, don’t feel pressurised into writing one if you don’t want to, especially if writing is not your thing. A good celebrant will spend time with you learning all about your loved one, and will create a tribute on your behalf instead. You will have the final say on what is written.
Remember you may write a tribute but you don’t have to deliver it if you don’t want to or emotions get too much. Your celebrant is on “stand by” to deliver it for you.
Here are some hints and tips on how to write a funeral tribute:
1. Remember it’s a funeral tribute, not a CV
You are writing about your personal memories at a time of raw emotion, and that’s tough enough.
This isn’t a time to worry about entertaining people, being judged, or doing it ‘right’. It’s not about writing a formal speech it’s about writing from your heart. If you don’t know where to start, try writing it to your loved one, as if it were a letter. This helps to make it more intimate and personal, and reduces the ‘audience’ in your head down to just you and the person you are writing it to. When you are happy with it you can switch it out to a third person for delivery to your audience.
2. Think of five words to describe your loved one
Think of around 5 words you’d use to describe your loved one. These can be your main points for your funeral tribute and you can find stories, memories or examples to illustrate this quality in them.
3. You’re not writing their biography!
Remember you’re writing their funeral tribute, not their biography. The idea is to reflect who they really were and what they were like. You want to evoke feelings and memories, not read out a CV. So try not to cram your tribute unnecessarily with dates and facts. There’s no need to write it in date order either, if you don’t want to.
4. Your loved one through your eyes
Whilst a funeral tribute is about them, not you, you can make it personal to you too. Talk about your first impressions of them, for example, or what it was like to have them as your parent or friend. Make it about them, but through your eyes. It can be beautiful to go to a funeral and learn something new about someone that you knew well.
5. Don’t ‘whitewash’
Life – and people – are never perfect, and, whilst a funeral tribute should celebrate your loved one’s great qualities and good memories, it doesn’t have to avoid the ups and downs of their life.
You don’t have to go into great detail, but you don’t have to pretend everything was rosy if it wasn’t! Keep it real, people will know if you don’t.
How long should a funeral tribute be?
A lot depends on whether yours will be the only tribute, or one of many. It will also depend on whether you have a ‘timeslot’ for the ceremony or you can be more relaxed.
If you are writing a tribute that will be one of a few during the funeral, liaise with the other tribute writers and the celebrant for guidance on timings. It’s also good to check up that you’re not all thinking about telling the same story.
If your tribute will be the main one at the funeral, a rough guideline would be to aim for 8-12 minutes – enough to paint a gorgeous picture of your loved one but not so long that people’s attention wanders. Also be warned that you will almost certainly need more time than you think, as reading it out in a service will be different from reading it to yourself in the mirror.
Good luck, you’ll make them proud!
Click below to read our selection of poems that you may want to include in your tribute.
